The Trauma of Secrecy
Two months ago I based my July blog on Dr. Brene’ Brown’s book Daring Greatly (2012). As is often the case, the authors I read become referral sources for who and what I should be reading professionally, next. That’s exactly what happened when I read Brene’s following paragraph: “Shame thrives on secret keeping, and when it comes to secrets, there’s some serious science behind the twelve-step program saying, ‘You’re only as sick as your secrets.’ In a pioneering study, psychologist and University of Texas professor James Pennebaker...
Read MoreDaring Greatly
My adult son called a few weeks ago and asked if his mom and I would join him for a few vacation days beside the ocean. My first thought was, “An adult son wants to spend some vacation time, by the ocean, with his mom and dad?” My second thought was, “What a fine job his mother and I did parenting this child?” Of course I knew better, but it was still a nice thought. My third thought was, “By the ocean? Heck yeah!” Knowing myself, that it’s hard for me to spend unstructured time without a book in my hands (you’re thinking compulsive, right?), I took Brene’ Brown’s Daring...
Read More“This is Stupid!” (Or, Maybe Not)
“THIS IS STUPID…!” That’s what a client told me recently in the midst of doing EMDR Therapy. Undoubtedly, I’ve had many clients who probably thought what I was doing was “Stupid!”, but this was the first client who verbalized their doubts and frustration. I shouldn’t be surprised to hear such a response. The very nature of psychotherapy is difficult and challenging; but, it’s still difficult for a therapist to hear. Most therapists are giving their very best efforts to be helpful. Some deconstruction and contextualization of the situation are in order. First, a word about...
Read MoreSad, or Mad?
I’ve said before that my blog posts usually reflect what I’m currently reading; many times re-reading. And, my reading often aligns with the issues clients bring into therapy. As you read through this post, it should not be hard to guess the kinds of issues I’ve been addressing lately with clients. In her book The Good Divorce (1994)—see July, 2013 blog post—professor and sociologist Constance Ahrons, PhD, talks about the negative effects of persistent anger in divorced couples. In a section she dubs “Acrimony Takes Its Toll”, Ahrons writes: “There is no way to talk about...
Read MoreUnderstanding Your Partner’s Temperament
In July of 2012, I posted a blog based on the book Understanding Your Child’s Temperament (1997, 2005) by the esteemed pediatrician at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, William B. Carey, M.D. I frequently use the book in therapy, and strongly recommend it to parents. Borrowing an excerpt from my 2012 blog: “Categorizing nine possible ways of looking at temperament (what he defines as behavioral patterns, or ‘styles of behavior’), Carey identifies the following nine temperament traits: Activity, Regularity, (Initial) Reaction, Adaptability, Intensity, Mood, Persistence...
Read MoreAttached
“Anyone who has been plagued by that age-old question—‘What is his deal?’—could benefit from a crash course in attachment theory.” That’s one of the back cover credits from Elle magazine. Another back cover credit from a more scholarly source reads: “Cinderella’s prince passionately turned his kingdom upside down simply to find her perfectly shaped foot, and they lived happily ever after. This book is for the rest of us. In Attached, Levine and Heller distill years of attachment theory research on the nature of human relationships into a practical, highly readable guide,...
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